Saturday, July 4, 2020

Let It Be Known! That Sometimes I'm Not So Bright!

I was looking back at the month of June, reflecting, and looking at the reading for last month and. 

And I was like oh, oh eff me. 

Someone friend requested me on Facebook. Someone who was told not to contact me but that I would make contact if I wanted to. But I had been told something cool about them and I was like, oh did they make a change? So when he friended me, I friended him back and started talking to him to see if the change was not only real, but deep, because if it were deep . . . 

Well, it turns out, while yeah, some change has happened, they were mired in muck and I had to unfriend for my mental health. And I started startling easy, and having trauma dreams again. 

My child saw me talk to him on FB and was like Mom NO. 
My husband was like, you're talking to you! Girl, that is NOT a good idea!

It was two days. Two days of talking to him that was a horrible mistake.

And now, here I am, reflecting on the month, and I saw again the reading. 

KgS Ⓡ - Do not trust this person. They pretend to cut through the BS but they are in truth unethical. 
Message Bible Verse* "Hold your tongue." (Isaiah 23:1)

from the Modern Witch Tarot deck

I had thought it was talking about some random dude on FB that I had never met before. I thought holding your tongue was about being polite and also allowing others to speak (sometimes I get so excited I talk too much).

But no. 
I felt anxious and unsure about allowing the friend request and talking to him. I just really really really wanted to believe that the change was deep. And deep enough where post-traumatic stress didn't get triggered (I have a diagnoses of this, something I write about on my Asynchronous Healing blog).

Did I go back and look? No. 
Did I do a reading? No.
Did I pray about it? No. 
Did I ask a trusted friend or loved one for advice? No. 
Did I use a pendulum? No. 
So many avenues to know, and I didn't use them. 

And I was warned about it back in January when I initially did my reading for the whole year. Damn. 

I feel dumb. 
But, I was able to honor my boundaries again. 
I made a mistake. 
But it's okay. 
I learned from it, and I'm not broken. I'm still a whole me. I don't have to be perfect to be a whole me (I'm a recovering perfectionist). 
And it's kinda funny. LOL

So if you feel dumb for not listening to yourself, or the cards, I hope you forgive yourself and learn from it. We're all here doing our best.  💚

In love and light and shadow,
Ruth ~ Lady of Radiant Joy

*My Mother-in-law inspired me to do some Bibliomancy for my year reading this year. 

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